A Song | Some Updates

Adele’s song, One and Only…oh my goodness. Babe, I want to dance to this song with you on our wedding day. I’m having a moment sitting here crying because I have been in a hard spot lately. And you loved me through it.

It’s clear that God is sending me a message. He is showing me to love my life, not everyone else’s. And that I’m so damn lucky. Lucky to have this tender man who I love with all my being. And who loves me and my children so well. You are sleeping next to me now, with your arm resting on my shoulder. Tears are still trailing down. I love you, honey. And I love you, God. Please forgive me for falling short, and thank you for being patient with me.

Adele’s One and Only Lyrics:

You’ve been on my mind
I grow fonder every day
Lose myself in time
Just thinking of your face
God only knows why it’s taken me
So long to let my doubts go
You’re the only one that I want
I don’t know why I’m scared
I’ve been here before
Every feeling, every word
I’ve imagined it all
You’ll never know if you never try
To forget your past and simply be mine
I dare you to let me be your, your one and only
I promise I’m worthy
To hold in your arms
So come on and give me the chance
To prove I am the one who can walk that mile
Until the end starts
If I’ve been on your mind
You hang on every word I say
Lose yourself in time
At the mention of my name
Will I ever know how it feels to hold you close
And have you tell me
Whichever road I choose, you’ll go?
P.S.  Tegegne, you and Rick have been learning Spanish together with this app Duolingo. You send each other notifications when you finish a section. You said, “Mom, I actually twittered my Spanish! I twittered!” LOL, Tegegne, you’re such a techie. Rick is also showing you the bible project videos at night. You two think similarly, which is so good.
Hensley, I absolutely love watching you do ballet. You have a performance at Rockhurst May 24, and you ask about it every day…how exciting  to perform in front of a full auditorium of people!
Fieldsy, you’re still my sweet bubba that can’t get enough hugs from me before I leave for work. You brought Ted home from preschool, and cared for him well.
Also, it feels good to cry sometimes, doesn’t it? To get it out. To wake up. To be thankful. To accept life as it is right now.  To seek quiet spaces in the mind.To listen to the birds. To deep clean something. To call a friend. To get the blood flowing with a bit of exercise. To eat healthy. To get surprised by the kind act of another. To be the one to surprise a stranger with an act of kindness.
Ok, good night.
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2017 | Alright, Alright!

 

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Entering 2017 with peaceful waters.   (VSCO)

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Well hello 2017, you’re looking all gussied up! What’s the occasion? Ohhh, you missed me?! Well I missed you too. I am taking a month off of Instagram with hopes to meet back up with the ol blog. So 2016 was a hard year for many reasons on a grand scale, but on a personal level I am straight up thankful. Meeting my fella was quite a blessed gift from the Lord. The kids and I love him. When I look back I am in awe of the way he dove right into family life, when he had all the free time in the world before. So what’s he about?! Well he grew up in Huntington Beach, CA as the youngest of 3 boys. He played lots of baseball and went on to play at Arkansas as a shortstop then 2nd base, and finished up at UCLA. He toured with a band as the base player for 7 years, was a behavioral specialist and is now a reading specialist at Longview Farm Elementary. Honey, you’re a great storyteller, very organized, I love your routine, and I so appreciate your introverted-ness (but please put your introverted time on the calendar : ).We are indeed opposites! Thanks for a seriously good year, on and off the dance floor.

Hens, your first year of kindergarten is halfway over! I am so thankful you love Mme LeLetty, learning French, reading with Rick, and riding your bike. A highlight of 2016 with you was our perfect day celebrating your birthday with a mother-daughter shopping day (American Girl store + Brio on the Plaza). You’re my little soul mate, for life.

Tegegne you’re a 3rd grader, and boy you’ve got skillz to pay the bills on the soccer field. You’ll start up a winter league and a chess team this month. Date nights with you are my favorite. We’ve had some good ones this year…remember Paul Blart Mall Cop?! The times you let me hug you and sneak in a smooch are the best. #itscooltokissyourmother

Fieldsy, your my little buddy. You are kind, funny, and so stinkin’ cool. When I think of the year with you, its the simple things I love…like the way you walk downstairs for breakfast in the morning with that sleepy face saying “Morning mom.” And that you still love to snuggle. I’m smitten boy. I want to bottle up your voice and share it with you when you’re grown.

I feel so blessed. This year I have felt more peace. Thanks be to God.

Signing off with squinty eyes.

xo – k

 

Pic | Nics

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We had a picnic again today with sweet friends!

Well hello there. I find myself very thankful, and thought I should stay up a bit late to document some of life right now. First off, let us raise our glasses to all of the amazing mothers out there doing their thing. To my own Mother, thank you for being so rad and for the nice time Saturday night. Thank you for being the funnest Grandma. If I was going to get a mom tattoo, I would add the words Grace + Peace. Those are words that come to mind when I think of you. You’re also just so fun to spend time with. Love you Mama.

My mothers day was quite lovely, thank you children. When you all were dropped off and greeted me on Sunday, it was really the best gift. You each had something special to tell me and I love your eagerness to get it all out in the first two minutes of our time reunited. The umbrella pic above is proof of our successful picnic in the rain. Everyone else fled the park, but we must have been under the perfect tree bc the rain really didn’t get us wet.

Our picnic in the rain was followed by a matinee movie. Fields, you totally busted your nose as we excitedly pranced into the theatre. Lots of blood flowing from those little nostrils, but your brother has a gift of making you laugh instead of cry in the midst of trauma-ish situations. And Hensley was nurses assistant. Both of them were shoving paper towels in their pockets, for extra supply. Tegegne helped pay for the movie as I held you with your head back, and we landed softly in our theater seats just in time for the show. After the movie, the Glinns came over with pizza and dinosaurs! A full day of fun right there!

Hensley, you learned to ride a bike this Friday, May 6 2016 at your daddy’s house! You also do your own pony tail, and wash your own hair. Watch out kindergarten, this girl is ready!

Had a lovely Friday with SDK and friends + my bush in my front yard is so full of blooms.

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March | Magic

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IMG_0920IMG_0959Well the magical month of March has come and is almost gone, good thing because I’m 75% into my AT&T data plan before I have to upgrade. Woah horsie! Does talking on the phone take data? I’m not so into March Madness, so I thought of another M word to go with March. I chose magic because I’ve had some magical moments this month, probably because it was my birthday month and my fraaaands are really are spectacular.

For my birthday weekend a whole slew of beauties joined me for dinner at mi casa, and later on the dance floor. This weekend my close gal pal Ashleigh visited with her kids to tear up KC with us! Add to that some quality time with my parents, E+E+O, and my children!

Its been a full month of F-U-N. Aren’t you glad I added the “N?” Phew.

Oh my beloved, spunky children. Bless them. I spent a half hour rallying the crew to go to dinner this eve, and when the two oldest were wrestling in the kitchen (one bumped a head and started crying), I executively decided to call it in. This decision made Fields cry. “I dist wanna eat at da restaurant, mom!”  The oldest was mad at me, and middle child lost it…or was she still crying about bumping her head? At that point, all I could do was offer water to resort to a basic need. And keep walking to the car. Silence is my new parenting tactic. Silence and walking, fast walking, ok sometimes *running away and hiding.(*I had to run and hide in the laundry room when I was ordering our pizza and salad from Minsky’s. I mean, the only other times I run and hide are clearly when we are playing that game that requires such actions.)

I tried to watch one episode of New Girl, but watched 3 instead and now its late.

Have a good one!

Kristyn

P.S. Ash and I went to #KCFW Kansas City Fashion Week runway show Friday night. It was quite fun, but I was surprised that it was a fall collection. We ate at Voltaire for the first time, and definitely not the last. Yum.

He says it again.

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Patience is a hard discipline. It is not just waiting until something happens over which we have no control: the arrival of the bus, the end of the rain, the return of a friend, the resolution of a conflict. Patience is not a waiting passivity until someone else does something. Patience asks us to live the moment to the fullest, to be completely present to the moment, to taste the here and now, to be where we are. When we are impatient we try to get away from where we are. We behave as if the real thing will happen tomorrow, later and somewhere else. Let’s be patient and trust that the treasure we look for is hidden in the ground on which we stand.

Thanks Henri Nouwen. You nailed my thing. Thank you for acknowledging that it’s hard.

Hello 2016

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Dear 2016,

Hello there. Greetings. Are you ready? I mean you’re here. You’ve arrived and we welcome you, New Year. I reigned it in with several good friends on the dance floor with lots of glow sticks. My highlight was the NYE party with my kiddos + parents though. We danced and got sweaty.  Glow sticks flying, a countdown at 9pm, then sparklers.  Seeing their little bodies groove to the beat is the best, being foot loose and fancy free.

Tis the season to look back, look ahead…but I should Be Here Now, as I sometimes write on post-its. As a 7 (the adventurer) on the enneagram, I  avoid pain, daydream, often seeking “fun” around the corner… so for me, its about looking at the present and learning to be good with what is before me. There is this “need” deep down that seeks a thing to look forward to. I can be okay with now when I know that later has something groovy in store. When this doesn’t happen, I feel restless.

Our pastor had us think about what we don’t have the answers to, the things in our lives that aren’t changing, how do we meet God in this place? My strength comes into its own in your weakness. The weaker I get, the stronger I become. This requires me to get to my restless state, until I become calm and okay with it, with what is before me.  “Setting the mood” in my home helps. Lighting a candle, playing music. I’ve also learned that sorrow and joy can interact closely at times. Henri Nouwen helped me to grasp this…

Joy and sorrow are never separated. When our hearts rejoice at a spectacular view, we may miss our friends who cannot see it, and when we are overwhelmed with grief, we may discover what true friendship is all about. Joy is hidden in sorrow and sorrow in joy. If we try to avoid sorrow at all costs, we may never taste joy, and if we are suspicious of ecstasy, agony can never reach us either. Joy and sorrow are the parents of our spiritual growth.

So many songs accompanied me through the year. The entire Josh Garrels album, Home.  The Lone Bellow, Bleeding Out.  Josh Garrels, Pilot Me. Andra Day’s, Rise Up. The Welcome Wagon, Up On a Mountain, Recently Lord Huron. Valerie June’s, Somebody To Love. All Sons and Daughters. Wait, there are probably 30 more. NM writing them all down.

God was, is and will be…good. Straight up, all the time, good. Hope, joy, pain, love, adventure, stillness, dancing, freedom, choices. Ordinary, unexpected. Busy, or lazy, to do lists, doing. Noticing, the great outdoors, fresh air. Brisk winter, rosy cheeks. Being neighborly. Slowing down. Giving a hug. Calm in the storm. Learning by mistakes. Listening, double checking. Responsibility. Receiving, being blessed, asking for help. Community, friends. Motherhood, deep love, patience, and dancing with glow sticks.

Here, here 2016!

P.S. At the end of this day I will have seen 2 movies…Joy and Brooklyn. Also, 2016…KC’s Most Anticipated Restaurants!!

 

 

The Truth Is | Double Oops

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The truth is…(insert hesitation face showing full teeth grin Imoji)

The truth is I opened a piece of mail tonight because it said urgent and it was a disconnect notice from the electric company. Oops. I really thougth autopay was set up on all bills, because Lord knows I need autopay in my life. I get snail mail, and unless it’s handwritten in a pink envelope, it goes into a dreaded “look at when you’re not being social” pile. But hey, I paid my bill just in the nick of time, set up autopay, and learned that I’m at 314kWh, which is below my efficient neighbors at 321kWh. Thank you LED can lights, thank you. Ehem…some neighbors are at 701kWh. I’m guessing a few of those neighbors are in Jansen Place with a tv in every room, and heated beds for their pets.

The truth is, I visited my therapist yesterday, (who kindly dismissed me several months ago), because I needed to check in. And I’m so glad I did. Things like, are you being your confused self, who acts out of “this looks good,” or are you being your chosen self, which acts out of great intention toward your main goals to live an authentic life. So I re-evaluated my #lifegoals and am feeling so much better. Amazing what a bit of “checking in” will do. This morning I read my book of common prayer and it’s like God is saying…I want to make this easier for you…but you must put forth some effort.

The truth is, I love to have fun and that word is up there on the most used words in my brain-space. Fun. I want to have it myself and create it for everyone around me. If someone else is creating it for me, they go way up there on my list of awesome people in life. Then there are all of those other good people who are loyal, peaceful, driven, laid back, or just plain cool.

The truth is, I love people. I’m noticing that so much lately, with more time rolling straight solo or being solo with my kids. I am not one who needs hours of self time in order to have people time. Its a lesson I’m learning…the art of being alone.

The truth is, I didn’t set up my electricity autopay yet, because I opened a blog tab and got distracted. Double oops. I’m going to say goodbye now and do that so I don’t get another warning note. Would hate to wake up Christmas morning with the Christmas lights not able to illuminate on the tree.

P.S. This photo was from one of the more fantastic weekends I’ve had in a while with the dearest gal in Durham, NC.